Letting Go of Expectations and Judgements

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” – William Shakespeare

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A simple change in perspective can change our views on what is happening. When we judge something, we create false expectations of that something. We limit our own ability to experience, and our perspective on reality.

Whenever something happens; our immediate response is to react by relating our judgements to our preference or the preference of others. By doing this, we categorize things into a “good” box and a “bad” box.

We ourselves create an illusion of what is good and what is bad.

When we add judgements, all we will be left with is expectations and future disappointment.

If we can make a simple and subtle change in our perspective we no longer have to bare the burden of disappointment, and we can become lighter throughout our daily lives.

See things as they happened. Don’t put them into a box. Just see them as happening. This happened, that happened, and then this happened. By doing this, we see things as they happen, and we don’t allow our mind to make things that happen something that they are not.

Many of us are asked to rate, compare, judge, define this, explain that. We become to sucked into reviews, ratings and expectations that at times we don’t even allow to try something because someone else has deemed it “good” or bad” for us.

You become a seesaw of judgements, any type of rating can change your experience and create more expectations.

Things, happen as they happen; whenever they decide to. When you can see this perspective you’re not associating your judgements upon other things. If we can do this, we can go beyond the “good” and the “bad”.
You remove your dependance on what is good and what is bad and slowly see that it just is.


What do expectations lead to?

The moment we make something into good, we become dependent on good and see anything not up to the standard of “good” as bad. Then this becomes something that we immediately push away; as we trick our minds into making it bad.


Try it out and see what difference it can bring you.

Recall the last thing that happened to you. Remove the outcome and only see what happened only as bad. First let’s focus on the bad; and how that bad affected you personally. How does it affect you when the outcome of what happened is immediately bad? Notice your own reactions.

Now for contrast. Once again remove the outcome and only see what happened as good. Focus on the good; and how the good affected you. Notice your reactions to the good.

Without personalizing what happened, see it as something that just you happened to experience. It just was, nothing more. There is no need to add any judgements to what happened.

We are so accustomed to reacting that our initial response is to judge what has happened, and self categorize it into boxes. So take time and notice these habitual patterns. Ask yourself questions: How does this affect me? Why is it that I am reacting?

 

Enjoying the moment.

Things are as they are. Nothing more or less. It is only when we personalize this moment, only when we attach our human perceptions and preconceived notions; that we change it into something else. We add. It becomes heavy; there is extra judgement we have to carry.

This leads into us creating expectations of anything that is new to happen into our lives.

Will we not discredit something if we previously deemed it as “bad”?

When we judge, we add expectations. We try to define what is happening with words and thoughts. We get further away from the whole picture and are left with only judgmental thoughts.

We lose our ability to participate in whatever is happening with no mental strings attached.

When we focus on labeling to what is happening, these strings control our movement, and can move us in any direction by saying “This is good” or “This is bad”.

We then arrive to a mental ending. We no longer are present with what is happening.  It is just a judgement that is left.

 

Expectations accumulate.

Once we label something as good; we set a standard. We set a unrealistic expectation of what “good” should be like.

Then, whenever anything happens we reflect on our expectation of what “good” is. We limit what can be with only good. The whole spectrum of experience is shortened by our own expectations.

I remember when all of my friends told me about how amazing of a time we would have if we went on this vacation. This made me really excited to go! I had major expectations of how it would be; because from my friends judgements. They implanted the idea of amazing, and I followed along. Amazing was the only thing in sight. I was excited to be amazed by what this resort had to offer! Once when we arrived, there was things I didn’t like, and immediately I was really disappointed not only in myself but also my friends. I was angry that they would lie to me about such an expensive trip.

This helped me realize that they were not at fault for what they said, but that my expectations were what lead me to such disappointment.

Had I not packed my luggage filled with expectations; I could’ve eased into my vacation and enjoyed it. The greater the expectations, the greater the let down.

 

How?

It takes time to make such a change as we are so used to reacting almost instantly. Here are some simple things we can do to not instantly react to what is.

1. Stop resisting.  The reason we tend to label something or judge the experience before it happens is because we resist what is happening. We don’t let it continue. We become involved and get attached. We don’t let it the experience unfold naturally.  We have a tendency to dominate the experience by our expectations.
2. Accept. Try and watch from afar. See it as just happening, and not as it happening only to you. Just watch, try and pull yourself from the situation. Don’t attach yourself. Watch how you react. Accept that this is happening, and you will have insight into your own thoughts.
3. Awareness. With insight into our your thoughts, you can begin to see what is happening. You are not just reacting but you are seeing yourself react. This allows for change to happen. If you ever have trouble coming back to yourself and your awareness, just breathe and focus on the breath.
4. Experience. When you see what is happening, just jump in and experience it. Who cares of the outcome? Be aware of your actions and thoughts. Enjoy. By being aware, you automatically filter out what you don’t need in your life, and give yourself the experience to allow.
5. Enjoy! You become present with what is happening, and stop thinking. You finally see things as they are, without labels, expectations or filters and you can simply enjoy from each moment and remove expectations.

Things happen, and they will continue to happen with or without our judgement.

When we learn to see things as they just are, we create room to allow ourselves not to become so attached. We stop carrying our bag of labels around wherever we go and can enjoy that something is happening regardless of the outcome.

We can move into ease.

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